The Predicate

"Saddest day for Indian hockey", cried Hindustan Times. "A tragedy of Olympian proportions", noted The Hindu. The Indian hockey team failed to qualify for the Olympics for the first time in 80 years. Fifty officials who were planning on a Beijing vacation with their wives and mistresses now will have to just watch the Olympics from their living rooms. The news jolted all avid sports lovers who were surprised that someone in India was still playing hockey. The loss in the qualifiers came as a big shock to even Sania Mirza, who was working towards losing in the third round of the upcoming French Open. L.K.Advani blamed the Manmohan Singh Government for the dismal state of affairs in hockey and claimed that the defeat was because the players didn't want to play for a country that didn't give Vajpayee the Bharat Ratna. The person who seemed to be the most affected was Dev Anand, who was going to play a 23 year old hockey player in an upcoming film in his own direction also starring Rakhi Sawant. CNN-IBN and NDTV had detailed wall-to-wall coverage, both channels trying hard to find anyone who had seen the whole match. Times Now went a step further and announced a prize to anyone who had seen any hockey game live in the past two years.

Anyway, at Predicate, we have for you more than just the news. Our analysis team has come up with the top ten reasons why the Indian team lost to the British on Sunday. Here it is:

10. The Lagaan XI didn't play the must-win game against Great Britain.

9. The British team took steroids given by their trainer Brian McNamee.

8. With the new era of Globalization, Indian hockey players were keen to play in the NHL instead as a new team Chandigarh Chipmunks, coached by Wayne Gretzky.

7. This was India's way of boycotting the Olympics to protest against China's human rights record.

6. The players were auctioned off to play in the IPL instead during the olympics time frame.

5. Pargat Singh refused to come out of retirement for the seventeenth time.

4. K.P.S.Gill, President of IHF had said that he would congratulate the boys if they win by patting and pinching their backsides.

3. Half the team thought V.Bhaskaran was still coaching the team.

2. Women's XI coach Shah Rukh Khan refused to coach the men's team.

1. Hockey? WTF is that?

- Balaji.